Jorts and Dead Fish: A Holiday Public Beach Experience

1. Jorts. [Self explanatory].

2. You’ve heard of the rule that if it’s dead and you didn’t kill it, you shouldn’t touch it? You haven’t? Congrats, you aren’t the only one! About 10 people at the beach on the 4th of July may have ended up with a weird fish parasite because it seemed like it was a good idea to pick up a dead fish from Lake Michigan. A couple points for a safe holiday (next year):

a) Lake Michigan. Don’t take anything from this lake, ever. Just as a general rule, especially if you are in Milwaukee or Chicago. In Chicago it is a particularly bad idea, since city officials actually do have to monitor the fecal count in the water. (Really, do not feed the birds.)

Actually, maybe don’t even go swimming. Just stay out of the water, and you’ll be fine.

Don’t pick up anything you find dead on the beach either.

b) Let me reiterate. If you didn’t kill the dead thing, don’t touch it. You don’t know where that’s been!

Bradford Beach Milwaukee is definitely a change of pace from Chiami (aka North Ave Beach, Chicago). Biggest difference: While there was still a hint of Jersey Shore (can’t be a city beach without it), the number of guys wearing Armani/Hugo Boss/CK under their swim trunks was about 1/8 of that found in Chiami. If you think that this is not a thing, check out Chiami. I understand that swim trunk liners can chafe, but please be advised that you just look like a douchebag when you show off your high-end name brand underwear. Adopting the Captain Morgan stance atop your cooler doesn’t help.

All in all, a beautiful day 4th of July in Milwaukee. We should do this more than once a year. ‘Merica.

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So sweet.