Do ants take baths? And other important grad school questions

I just encountered my first Google fail. I image searched “ants taking a bath” (for various, top secret research reasons, of course) and got NOTHING. The first thing that came up was a dog. NOT EVEN CLOSE. So I’m coming here to vent about this. (i was hoping for a cartoon version, because in reality bugs in large groups freak me out.)

 

BUT then I realized, I can fix this problem. NEVER FEAR. Because now, your “ants taking a bath” no picture problem has been solved. [Never really wanted to know if ants actually take baths]

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Cred to C-Dubs on the clawfeet. Mine won’t ever get the chance to run.

 

You are so welcome.

 

Other important questions that may arise during grad school:

Can I cut this? 

And how does ______ achieve this function? 

Can I palpate you?

How can we keep a coffee maker hidden all semester?

Are my khakis really jean cut?

 

 

Jorts and Dead Fish: A Holiday Public Beach Experience

1. Jorts. [Self explanatory].

2. You’ve heard of the rule that if it’s dead and you didn’t kill it, you shouldn’t touch it? You haven’t? Congrats, you aren’t the only one! About 10 people at the beach on the 4th of July may have ended up with a weird fish parasite because it seemed like it was a good idea to pick up a dead fish from Lake Michigan. A couple points for a safe holiday (next year):

a) Lake Michigan. Don’t take anything from this lake, ever. Just as a general rule, especially if you are in Milwaukee or Chicago. In Chicago it is a particularly bad idea, since city officials actually do have to monitor the fecal count in the water. (Really, do not feed the birds.)

Actually, maybe don’t even go swimming. Just stay out of the water, and you’ll be fine.

Don’t pick up anything you find dead on the beach either.

b) Let me reiterate. If you didn’t kill the dead thing, don’t touch it. You don’t know where that’s been!

Bradford Beach Milwaukee is definitely a change of pace from Chiami (aka North Ave Beach, Chicago). Biggest difference: While there was still a hint of Jersey Shore (can’t be a city beach without it), the number of guys wearing Armani/Hugo Boss/CK under their swim trunks was about 1/8 of that found in Chiami. If you think that this is not a thing, check out Chiami. I understand that swim trunk liners can chafe, but please be advised that you just look like a douchebag when you show off your high-end name brand underwear. Adopting the Captain Morgan stance atop your cooler doesn’t help.

All in all, a beautiful day 4th of July in Milwaukee. We should do this more than once a year. ‘Merica.

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So sweet.

29 Things I Think Adults Do

I missed the point when I turned into an adult. Actually, there are still times when I have to ask other people “Hey, adults do this, right?” Feeling woe-begone and frustrated the other day about my lack of groceries and total lack of motivation to go buy some, I started the reverse to-do list:

ALL THE THINGS I DID NOT DO TODAY

  1. Workout
  2. Shower. At least I didn’t workout
  3. Read the news.
  4. Pay credit card.
  5. Buy groceries

This small list quickly morphed into IF I WERE A REAL ADULT, WHAT WOULD I BE DOING, but that title was too massive, so it turned into

THINGS ADULTS DO

[DISCLAIMER: I don’t consider myself a real adult, so let me know if things need to be added/taken off.]

  1. Laundry. 
  2. Fold and put away laundry. Not the same as the process of making clothes clean.
  3. Clean. 
  4. Eat healthy food. Good breakfast, Snickers for lunch. Can’t win all the time.
  5. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Ha. Hahaha. 
  6. Have productive Saturdays. This last Saturday I went to Bikram and then watched 5 episodes of SVU. I’m judging myself. 
  7. Call their relations on their birthdays. May have added this one because I remembered to call my dad for his birthday, and I need as many points as I can get here.
  8. Do taxes on time.
  9. Meet deadlines with more than 27 seconds to spare. 
  10. Go grocery shopping.
  11. Put away groceries. Have you discovered that putting things away is not my strong suit? “Freeze ground beef” is an item on my to-do list. 
  12. Buy fruits and vegetables.
  13. Take vitamins.
  14. Have a meal plan. That’s a big nope.
  15. Have a budget.
  16. Have an organized closet. This is really just a New Year’s resolution to be honest.
  17. Do not drop expensive things. My iPhone. 5x a week. No wonder it only works half the time.
  18. Be prepared. Specifically in the tampon department. Gets me everytime. 
  19. Spell out every word in your text messages. If you are over the age of 15 and you say “C U soon” I will not see you soon.
  20. Have a stance on something. Health insurance, birth control, the Sudan, baby elephants. Something.
  21. Floss.
  22. Exercise.
  23. Do the dishes. Before the sink becomes apocalyptic. 
  24. Cook.
  25. Crock pot.
  26. Read. I’m aiming for the news and hitting fiction. Baby steps. 
  27. Make the bed.
  28. Have a morning routine. My current routine: Hit snooze 3 times. Turn off alarm. Fall back asleep. Awaken naturally in a full state of panic 15 minutes later. Do not shower. Do not pass go. Do not eat breakfast. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Instead, stand in front of closet and debate on clothing choices for the day. Be unable to find keys. Be exactly one minute late to work. 
  29. Think about marriage. I’M NOT EVEN A PERSON YET STOPPIT

The Costa Rica Scramble

WordPress tells me that I haven’t blogged in 4 months. For some reason my Twitter is no longer syncing with page [this may be because I basically forgotten how to tweet]. HEY I’VE BEEN BUSY OK. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Mostly it’s just been a number of excuses that have kept me from hauling out the tripod (which I actually have now!) and taking some glamour shots of my awesome outfits. So while I go do that real quick, here’s the latest:

I went to Costa Rica for a month.  Look! Pictures!

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The short of it: I spent a month in a beautiful country with wonderful, generous people who were more than happy to share everything that they had to offer. Thank you.

I am still pretty in love with Chicago, though, so here’s a couple of Chicago:

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First real snow today!!! Yeahhhhhh (and for all you GoT fans, I’ll throw in the obligatory #winteriscoming).

Enjoy where you are.

<3.

I’M PALE, Here’s 3 Reasons Why

Dear Readers,

You might know exactly how I feel. You might also be the palest girl (or guy) at the party while everyone else is rocking a smooth all-over-no-tan-lines epic tan-ness. People may walk up to you with a bothersome regularity and say “Damn girl, you need to get a tan!” And you may want to respond, “NO I DON’T,” which is how I’ve been feeling lately.

I will admit it. Last year, I was all about getting that all over tan. In previous years, I have also gone to a tanning salon (gasp!) until I got lightly burned right between my boobs and spent the following week scratching at it. I have done the “naw, I’ll put sunscreen on later, after I’ve been laying out in the burning hot Florida sun from noon to 1.” I have almost ruined vacations for myself by getting so burned that I can’t wear shirts. I have walked around all summer with a “rider’s tan” (think very tanned arms and nothing else).

This year, things have changed. This may be due to the fact that I got a bad sunburn right around my bikini line last year, resulting in a highlighter-like look for my nether regions (these things happen sometimes). Really, though, it’s a combination of a couple things.

1. I’m white. There is no way around this. My natural skin tone is not a glowing tan. I am of Swiss and English descent–my ancestors come from cold and snow. My natural skin tone is more akin to that of an off-white wall, or if you use Maybelline BB Cream, I’m the second lightest skin tone. I have a tendency to burn, not tan. I’m white. I do get a slight tan in the summer, but it’s nothing to write home about.

2. “You’ve got beautiful skin.” I do actually have nice skin. I rarely get acne, it’s decently smooth, and my mother didn’t give me cellulite. Go me! At this time in my life, I have a choice. I can a) go soak up all the rays that I can, year after year, and end up with alligator skin when I’m old or b) put on some 15SPF, get a mild tan sort of by accident, be a little (or a lot) whiter than everyone else, and not have liver spots/alligator skin when I’m old. While tanning might cover up skin imperfections now, here are three things it will do to you in the long run:

a. Liver spots:

Sun spots/liver spots/whatever you want to call them can be prevented by covering up.

b.  Leathery-looking skin:

While you may not be a man, you can still appreciate the effect that excessive tanning has on your skin. Is that your skin, or are you wearing a leather vest?

c.  Wrinkles. The first two on the list of WebMDs “23 Ways to Reduce Wrinkles” are 1. Avoid the sun and 2. Wear sunscreen.

2. Skin cancer. According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, there are more new cases of skin cancer than the combined incidences of cancers of the breast, prostate, lung, and colon. In addition, your risk for melanoma doubles if you’ve had more than 5 sunburns at any age. The data for tanning in beds is even scarier. YES, I AM SCARED TO GET CANCER THAT CAN MOSTLY BE PREVENTED BY PUTTING ON SOME LOTION. And hey, if Angelina Jolie is willing to have her breasts removed so she has a greater chance of seeing her kids grow up, then I can apply sunscreen.

I recently (read: yesterday) went out and bought Lubriderm’s Daily Moisturizer with 15SPF. I don’t encourage staying indoors all day (I love going to the beach, hiking, riding, being awesome), but maybe think a little bit more about your skin before you head out. Need to be tan? Go spray tanning! Get some bronzer! Or, hey, if you really can’t stay away, go tanning, or go to the beach without sunscreen. It’s your prerogative. The other option? Be pale and be proud. Like me!

XOXOXOXO

Rachel

 

I Eat Yogurt Now.

This blog used to be at vintagepixieboots.blogspot.com, but then I started eating yogurt and my dear friend Hannah got what we post-graduation lost souls like to call “a real job,” and now I’m just half-dressed, because (seriously) I really don’t have it together.

I have pieces. But I certainly don’t have all my deer in a line. Triceratops in a triangle? Platypuses in a polygon? Elephants on an elliptical? Oddly, that first sentence did not even have alliteration, but that was quickly forgotten.

So here’s the lowdown:

I’m a college grad.

I hate working in retail, but have come to the bitter realization that it is the bread and butter of the underemployed. Retail makes me hate humanity, but it’s also a great motivator!

I love shoes, and I don’t wear high heels enough. This sad fact is mostly due to my retail job, which is at a hardware store. YEAH, I SELL SCREWS. DEAL WITH IT.

I’m ticklish and I hate being tickled. If you’re ticklish, you understand. If you’re not and you try to tickle me, I’ll probably punch you in the face (inadvertently).

My dream is to be a massage/physical therapist/yoga super hero, but it might take a while. And lots of dough.

I am probably the only girl in the history of the world who has a Victoria’s Secret credit card and has only used it once.

I have an old boss who dresses like an elf. Still not sure how I feel about this, but my first emotion was pride.

Prior to two weeks ago, I hated yogurt. Apparently I just wasn’t putting enough blackberries and granola in it.

Fashion is what happens on the runway (it mystifies me), but style is what you do with it (much more understandable).

This blog is not just a style blog. It’s an everything blog, documenting my “adult” life. It should really just have a giant road sign that says “Work In Progress.”

Stick with me. It will be a fun adventure.

Also, it’s never too late to start eating yogurt.

This penguin, sitting on the carbonated beverages shelf in Jewel, has it more "together" than I do.

This penguin, sitting on the carbonated beverages shelf in Jewel, has it more “together” than I do.

The Times Be A-Changin’

Dear friends. I sincerely apologize for the distinct lack of posts, however, I have been studying for the GRE, and thus my time has been consumed with words such as “trenchant” (vigorous or incisive in expression or style) and “scurrilous” (vulgarly abusive). Shoot me now. But! I will be done with all this nonsense on Thursday (otherwise known as August 30th), and the blog posts will resume. Don’t give up on me yet.

In the meantime, please enjoy this GIF of a dancing zebra.

Also, remember that boot season is upon us, so you clearly need to go out and take full advantage of that. YOU MUST BE PREPARED.

#YOLO, XOXOXO