29 Things I Think Adults Do

I missed the point when I turned into an adult. Actually, there are still times when I have to ask other people “Hey, adults do this, right?” Feeling woe-begone and frustrated the other day about my lack of groceries and total lack of motivation to go buy some, I started the reverse to-do list:


  1. Workout
  2. Shower. At least I didn’t workout
  3. Read the news.
  4. Pay credit card.
  5. Buy groceries

This small list quickly morphed into IF I WERE A REAL ADULT, WHAT WOULD I BE DOING, but that title was too massive, so it turned into


[DISCLAIMER: I don’t consider myself a real adult, so let me know if things need to be added/taken off.]

  1. Laundry. 
  2. Fold and put away laundry. Not the same as the process of making clothes clean.
  3. Clean. 
  4. Eat healthy food. Good breakfast, Snickers for lunch. Can’t win all the time.
  5. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Ha. Hahaha. 
  6. Have productive Saturdays. This last Saturday I went to Bikram and then watched 5 episodes of SVU. I’m judging myself. 
  7. Call their relations on their birthdays. May have added this one because I remembered to call my dad for his birthday, and I need as many points as I can get here.
  8. Do taxes on time.
  9. Meet deadlines with more than 27 seconds to spare. 
  10. Go grocery shopping.
  11. Put away groceries. Have you discovered that putting things away is not my strong suit? “Freeze ground beef” is an item on my to-do list. 
  12. Buy fruits and vegetables.
  13. Take vitamins.
  14. Have a meal plan. That’s a big nope.
  15. Have a budget.
  16. Have an organized closet. This is really just a New Year’s resolution to be honest.
  17. Do not drop expensive things. My iPhone. 5x a week. No wonder it only works half the time.
  18. Be prepared. Specifically in the tampon department. Gets me everytime. 
  19. Spell out every word in your text messages. If you are over the age of 15 and you say “C U soon” I will not see you soon.
  20. Have a stance on something. Health insurance, birth control, the Sudan, baby elephants. Something.
  21. Floss.
  22. Exercise.
  23. Do the dishes. Before the sink becomes apocalyptic. 
  24. Cook.
  25. Crock pot.
  26. Read. I’m aiming for the news and hitting fiction. Baby steps. 
  27. Make the bed.
  28. Have a morning routine. My current routine: Hit snooze 3 times. Turn off alarm. Fall back asleep. Awaken naturally in a full state of panic 15 minutes later. Do not shower. Do not pass go. Do not eat breakfast. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Instead, stand in front of closet and debate on clothing choices for the day. Be unable to find keys. Be exactly one minute late to work. 
  29. Think about marriage. I’M NOT EVEN A PERSON YET STOPPIT