Totally Truthful: The Romance Novel Vortex

I have a tendency to binge. Not on food (unless it’s chocolate covered cranberries), but on books; specifically, romance novels. I know this is a bad habit, but every two months or so, I CAN’T HELP MYSELF. I open Amazon, go to the free Kindle books section, and start downloading all the free romance novels I can find. Well, I limit myself to 3. Maybe 4. Then, I curl up under my covers, turn on my reading lamp, and go.

Me and mah Kindle

Me and mah Kindle

Romance novels are not by any means great literature. If you haven’t read one, they follow this plot line: Boy and girl meet, usually under adverse/questionable circumstances. They bicker, lust after each other, have sex, hit a plot twist, and end up together in the end. IT’S SO CORNY, yet so addicting for some reason. Maybe my brain just needs a break.

Here are some of my favorite plot lines:

Grumpy cowboy finds love in single mother who for some reason thought it would be easier to raise her child on a ranch.

Saucy independent girl finally finds her soulmate in dark, domineering male…who is usually rich.

Girl hides pregnancy because she doesn’t feel that man wants to be father. 7 years later, everyone finds out because they can see the family resemblance in the eyes (always the eyes). Man turns out to be awesomely honorable, and boom, it happens all over again.

Victorian novels are great: Prim and proper Victorian girl with a spirited streak meets a pirate. They argue, have their differences, then have sex and end up married or something. The parents approve, because of course the pirate is like their surrogate son.

But the best one so far?

Guy and girl meet drunkenly in Vegas. They wake up married…and stay married. Because, of course, the male is experiencing pressure from his mother to get married so that the family fortune can be passed on, and the girl has been looking for marriage all along.

Drivel, nonsense, baloney, bananas…. That’s what it is. None of it really happens (but if it has, please let me know in the comments, because I would love to hear it).

Accessories matter. They can be anything from earrings to the backpack you’re wearing to the book that you’re reading. That’s right; the book that you’re reading. I’ll admit it–I would never read a romance novel anywhere but curled up in my own abode. On the train or on a lunch break, I’ll read Room, Zoo, We Are Anonymous, and currently, Les Miserables. (I have discovered that there is really no way to read Les Mis other than to completely entrench yourself in it. Took me a while to get started.) The books that you read speak to your intelligence and interests, just like your shoes and your shirt and your more “traditional” accessories speak to your personality.

So, if you get the chance, put down Buxom Lass Hugging a Pirate and pick up Cloud Atlas or something slightly less bananas before you head out the door. Load up your Kindle with all that free classic awesomeness. Really need that romance fix? Snag Pride and Prejudice or Emma. Jane Austen just may have been the one to start this, after all.

[If I ever get two English bulldogs, they will be named Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley. Dog houses will be named accordingly.]

If you’re super interested in what I’m reading, check out my Goodreads profile. I’m always looking for book recommendations–leave ’em in the comments below!

XOXOXO (If you put an extra X, some one has 2 pairs of legs)


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