An Open Letter to Yoga Pant Lovers Everywhere

Dear Ladies (and Gents and Animals Wearing Clothes),

I love yoga pants. I’m actually wearing some right now as I sit at my desk and write. They’re stretchy, forgiving, and the pretty sister of those god-awful college-emblazoned sweatpants. My boyfriend does not complain at all about how nicely they highlight my gluteus maximus (if we’re being technical). The world is a very comfy place when I’ve got these babies on.

HOWEVER, as my mother would say, “(*sigh*) There is a time and a place, Rachel, a time and a place.” In my book, (and I wish this were true of all books) there are two times and respective places for the much beloved yoga pant. Basically, you need to ask yourself two questions before sliding into those “Love Pink” super comfy stretch pants.

1. Am I going to yoga/workout class/gym?

Doing yoga in my yoga pants!

Doing yoga in my yoga pants!

2. Am I planning on spending my time with these pants lounging about my home?

Chillin' with a bottle of Bolthouse.

Chillin’ with a bottle of Bolthouse.

If you answer “no” to both of those questions, the pants that you should wear are NOT yoga pants. Pick out a nice pair of jeans, wear a skirt, spruce up your day with a sweaterdress, but please do not put on those yoga pants. Most imperatively, do not put on yoga pants and then go put on some makeup. There is nothing that irks me more than a girl with her makeup on, a nice top, some earrings with…yoga pants. Somehow she managed to devote time to putting on lipstick, but forgot her pants. WHOOPS.

To be honest, I feel a little bit sorry for those yoga pants. Think about it. Say you are designed with one purpose in life: provide a stretchy environment in which all shapes can do yoga, and not rip their pants. You were made to absorb sweat, get bent out of shape, and hug the mat. But then your owner tells you that instead of doing those things, you’re going to go to Target and look at other yoga pants and be jealous.

That may have gone to far. But you catch my drift. Just as tights are not pants, and you would not wear sweatpants to go out to dinner, yoga pants are not real pants. They are glorified sweatpants.

There is one entity that will never object to yoga pants on a girl. In case you haven’t checked yourself out in the mirror while wearing yoga pants, here’s an FYI: they do a pretty damn good job of highlighting your ass. (The butt, incidentally, may or may not be where we get the heart shape from.) Many men love yoga pants–this may be part of the reason why they’ve become so popular. However, be warned that this exists: Girls In Yoga Pants.¬†As much as men may want you to wear your yoga pants so they can ogle your butt, please (for the sake of style) resist.

At this point, you might hate me for what you might call an “unjustified attack on yoga pants.” Let me just give you some perspective: I have never once looked a man wearing sweatpants in public and thought, “Wow, he looks like someone I would want to get to know.” Or “Boy, he looks fashion forward.” Normally my thought is, “You look a little old to still be in college.” C’mon ladies, let’s do fashion a favor and keep the yoga pants in the gym. Remember, people used to think this was cool:

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Let’s try not to wildly embarrass our children. Thanks.

Hugs and Kisses,

Rachel

P.S. If you’re really into rocking the yoga pants, go you! Just know that I will think that you are perpetually hungover.